Welcome.
I hate to break it to you, but if you’re reading this brochure, you are now a member of a foreign extremist organisation. This diagnosis might come as quite a shock. You might not even think of yourself as “foreign” or “extremist”—few people do. However, at least one in five people experience some form of Foreign Extremist Syndrome over the course of their lives.
Rest assured that, with the right help, many people with foreign extremism go on to lead rich and fulfilling lives: playing badminton, collecting stamps, shopping at H&M, all the things normal people do. The point is: foreign extremism is no longer a death sentence. At least, not now, not yet.
Why me?
Perhaps you’re asking, “Why me?” Well, why not you? Foreign Extremism touches people from all walks of life. For instance, last month Germany’s domestic spy agency listed the activist group “Jewish Voice for Just Peace in the Middle East” (Jewish Voice) as a “foreign extremist” organisation.
In fact, almost anyone can succumb to this dangerous malady. Except that, despite having the most baroque, violent imaginations and willingness to fund, cheerlead and even carry out acts of mutilation and killing, the German media and political class, the police, the weapons manufacturers, and the military, seem somehow immune to “extremism”.
Weird.
Well, there was that one chap—kooky moustache, liked to yell and gesticulate with his hands. But that was a long time ago. Those kinds of extremists are very much dead or completely cured. Move along. Nothing to see here.
Acceptance
The good news is: you can be cured too.
The first stage of getting healthy is acceptance. Look in the mirror at that hideously extreme and foreign face of yours and whisper, “I am a foreign extremist”.
Then self-isolate so that your disease does not rub off on other people. It would be courteous to inform your neighbours, your employer, your bank, the immigration office, anyone who needs to take the proper precautions. And if you don’t, perhaps the Bild Zeitung will do it for you, or some lonely creep with a camera, you know, the kind of guy who lurks on the perimeter of demonstrations pointing his big lens this way and that—I’m sure he’s willing to spread the word.
And don’t forget—self care is important. Run a bath, light some candles and take care of you, because when word gets around about your little pestilence, no one will go near you.
Getting healthy
The next step is to learn what “healthy” means. Like whiteness, healthy is ubiquitous, yet transparent and hard to grasp. Healthy is the radical center against which every other state is defined. The way things are supposed to be. It is therefore the complete opposite of everything you are. That’s the key.
So take out a piece of paper and make a list of all the things you like to do, the kinds of opinions you’re inclined to have, the sorts of lowlives and degenerates you like to hang out with, and just do the opposite.
1) Be generous to the genocidaires
Let’s take the example of Jewish Voice. First of all, I’m reading a lot of really unhealthy things on their Instagram account about the genocide in Gaza. This might be surprising to someone like you, but it is very foreign and utterly extremist to be against genocide. In order to be a good normie, you need to be in favour of genocide. Or simply willing to ponder the mysterious orb of genocide and mutter, “It’s complicated.” At the very least, deny that a genocide is happening. Hundreds of thousands of people simply vanishing for no apparent reason. Just like that.
Weird.
2) Embrace apartheid
So you think that an apartheid regime is bad—that it is somehow uncool to give one group rights based upon ethnicity, while saddling another group with an inferior set of rights. Darling, check your temperature. That must be the fever talking.
Dividing people by ethnicity is perfectly healthy. Germany does it all the time: dangling Damocletian swords above naturalised citizens at home while cheering on an ethnonationalist state in the Middle East. Remember, Germany has a special psychosis, I mean special responsibility, when it comes to the Jewish people. Just last week, German Chancellor Friedrich Merz thanked Israel for doing the West’s “dirty work”. Perhaps he meant dirty wars. Egal.
3) Don’t be foreign (and keep your mouth shut)
Let’s look at the name “Jewish Voice” for a few more clues about how to expel the extremist virus. First, the “Voice” part: the opposite of using your voice is to keep your mouth shut—it’s a very healthy thing to do, not least because it keeps you safe from inhaling even more germs than are already coursing through your system.
And what about the “Jewish” part? I guess the opposite is … don’t be Jewish? But hang on, both the domestic spy agency and the Interior Minister accused Jewish Voice of being antisemitic. Hmmm, so that means you have to be both not Jewish and anti-antisemitic at the same time. Wait, my head is spinning like a dreidel. How do we square this?
Of course! Not being Jewish while accusing Jews of antisemitism? Well, that’s just being German!
Illness as teacher
They say that illness is a teacher, and now we know that the only cure for foreign extremism is to be German. But of course, you will never be German enough. So, run along, be a good foreigner and keep shtum about the massacres.
Otherwise, we’re watching.
